I forever have to be switched on. From the moment I open my eyes, I’m in demand to make the porridge for my hangry tribe. Once they are fed, and only once they are fed, can I then make my own breakfast.
The moment the kids are fed I’m asked by my husband what are we having for dinner that evening, 12 hours away. I have NO bloody idea, I’m still trying to wipe the sleep out of my eyes and stumble my way through the kitchen wondering what day it is.
Once my boys have their fuel, they are ready to go. They are outside screaming and yahooing on the trampoline, honestly how I am the only one who’s not a morning person in our house?
While I race to get ready, find clothes for all of us to wear, I’m at the same time trying to break up their fights, close the cupboards Charlie continuously keeps opening, taking my toiletries off Charlie that he keeps sneaking off the bench. I end up just rounding them all up into the car, buckling them in, putting a movie on the iPad, and doing my hair and makeup outside of the car in the window reflection. Honestly, it’s the only way to get out of the house by 9 for either Day Care or gym.
This week I’ve found myself so under the pump, that I drop my kids at the gym creche and spend 10 minutes in the toilet just having a frustration cry. That little cry followed by a good workout sets me for the day.
In light of R U Okay day, admittedly this week I haven’t been ok. I’ve self-medicated to try and be a better parent. Every night once I put the kids to bed, I go over all of the times I went cross at the boys and try and forgive myself for not handling that situation better. I try to forgive myself for treating my kids as a distraction and not as my sole focus. In turn, I’ve dropped work for the week to alleviate my mental space to get through 3 assignments due at the same time and running on little sleep from late nights.
It’s enough that mum guilt floods my doors every single day, my kids never eat their veges and some nights Cooper just wants a bread roll with butter on it. I then hop on social media and see a newsfeed of recipes mums are making for their kids and wonder if their kids actually even eat them? I know for a fact it’s hit and miss when I bake anything for my kids.
I know myself so well that when I have reached my limit I like to go quiet, and yesterday when asked to have a coffee my urge was to say no. I just didn’t want to be around anyone. But turns out, having a coffee with a best friend while our kids are running a muck was exactly what I needed. Just to be able to whinge about our kids without judgement, to admit how shit of a parent we’ve been or how our kids have been turds and just not putting up a facade that our kids are perfect. I love honest and real mums, it normalises parenthood.
So, if that voice in your head is urging you to say no to talking to a friend, kick it in the ass and say yes. It might just be what you need to reset your mind for the day/week.