Use a filter. I don’t mean for your photos, I mean one for your mouth. And believe me when I say, I’m not perfect and have had my fair share of foot in mouth moments too.
BUT, lately I am just baffled and can’t wrap my head around how common a lot of my friends, and women in general, have been judged on their weight or their weight used as a marketing ploy for whatever weight loss supplement is being promoted.
Some stories I’ve been told, you just can’t make that stuff up. And I feel the need to be the voice to those who need a reminder to think before they speak.
That woman you just called fat, she miscarried a few months ago.
That woman you said needs to be on a health challenge, is battling depression.
That woman you keep trying to push magic weight loss tablets onto, was feeling great about herself until you instilled doubt into her mind.
Your words are triggers. You don’t know someone’s internal battler OR that they actually LOVE how they look and feel.
Healthy is not a one size fits all approach. It’s not even a topic of conversation unless you have a close relationship to that person. It should never be a passing by comment at a supermarket to someone you haven’t seen in ages.
I still remember the time I was asked how long I have left to go of my pregnancy whilst I was pushing a pram…..with Charlie in it. Yep. Just thoughtless words. But so damaging at the same time.
Is fat really the worst thing a human being can be? Is fat worse than vindictive, jealous, shallow, vain, boring, evil, or cruel? Not to me.
Let me leave you with this powerful image.
My boys have often caught me stepping onto the scales, and although I don’t obsess over kg’s or try to reach a magic number, their eyes are on me asking what am I doing. I say “Mummy wants to see how big and strong she’s growing”. When Cooper jumps on them he is so happy and points to the number on the scale as if it’s an achievement. It’s no secret I have chubba bubbas, believe me I get told this EVERY DAM DAY. And if I wasn’t confident that I had healthy active children then yes I would probably take it as a judgement that I overfeed them. But sometimes I fear that the constant phrases of “he’s a little nugget”, “he’s well fed”, “he’s a big boy” will shape my kids mind-frame negatively as they get older.
My point is, imagine the words you are saying to an adult, would you dare say them to your child?
Another line that a lot of my friends have been hit with is “when are you having another baby?”. And it seems to happen more to the ones who have been trying for years and have had multiple miscarriages. I’m sure 90% of the time there is no malice in this question but unfortunately due to the statistics of miscarriages (1 in 4), it is something we need to also be mindful of now more than ever.
You don’t encourage people to take care of their body by telling them to hate it.
Health is something I’ve become so focused on in the last 2 years, I have lost loved ones to disease and I have so much to keep healthy for. But when I think of healthy, I don’t critique my body any more, I critique my mind. Am I being kind to myself? Am I putting myself down all the time? Am I good enough or worthy enough? Am I doing something to change my negative mental state? Am I placing my worth in someone else’s hands? Am I giving power to people’s opinions of me?
The mouth should have three gatekeepers. Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Because of this passion, its has brought me to give everyone a reminder to think before they speak. Maybe you think you’re coming from a good place, but if there’s a problem, it’s not yours to fix unless someone has verbally said “I’d like your opinion and your advice”.
So remember when getting ready for your day today, to pack your filter.